Being grateful for ‘our lot’ is pretty hard to remember to be these days for us I’m ashamed to admit. We forget when faced with the trials and tribulations of everyday life in this household. Don’t get me started on the tax man, the thieving greediness of our council or the landlords we rent a shop from, staff, the constant worry for our 1850’s house holding out every time the rain pours down, the emotional roller coaster that IVF takes on us and then there is just plain old everyday life.
This morning was different. Am sure most people in the UK felt it. The blinkers came off. For us first of all our favourite day of the week; Sunday. This always means no rush rush rush – a lie in even, but today better than that on entering the kitchen i realised it was swathed in light bouncing off walls and units and automatically i walked to the door and opened it wide, took in a lung full of fresh morning air and felt the warmth on my skin. Yes, the sun was out and it was warm at 8.30am, in the UK, in July. Finally. A huge Cheshire cat type grin appeared on my face and i started singing whilst preparing morning coffee. It made me feel playful, giggly, hopeful, happy and grateful. Feeling grateful is inspiring. For the first time in what feels like a year i looked up. It feels as though i have had my head down trudging through the muddy waters of life, getting by day by day as the rain came every morning in this season we call Summer.
Sunshine makes ALL the difference … our white house bright and sparkling, the lush green garden with popping colour from the roses, lavender and sweet peas, hope springs into the corners of your mind. Suddenly washing and cleaning out the car and all the other jobs that need to be done today don’t feel like chores. Despite the moans and groans of how hard this life we are living for us is at the moment; we are grateful for love and endless support to each other, for our home, our businesses, our family. We are lucky. We are grateful.
When the week finally ends and you get to rest we don’t really do we? We fill the day with friends, shopping, exercise, travelling. Fun stuff.
This weekend for me started with a lively dinner with some fabulous fun friends over a stunning Thai meal then i realised i had nothing left planned. Most unusual.
I woke early and had the luxury of falling back to sleep with no agenda. I woke again to a coffee and warm croissant placed by my bed with and a kiss goodbye from my husband who has a very busy workday ahead. I lazed in bed reading with my breakfast for a good hour when i was struck with just how lazy i was being and literally leapt out of bed! I am not good with nothing to do … well i am too good and that scares me; i may like it too much and grind to a complete halt! Washing on, laundry folded, beds made, kitchen cleaned and off on a dog walk in the sun followed by a shop for some food for the week and a quick stop by at a friend’s place. Home to make bread, pastry for a quiche and an Italian style ragu to go with dinner.
Justified that by 4pm i have done enough I am now sat back on my arse.
Ahhhh lazy saturday’s … well sort of.
Unlike the suggestive title this is not a post about a racy lifestyle dripping in gold or an new exciting important career landing in my lap – i should be so lucky. This is a post about moving a little faster. I am not you understand in my 80’s nor am i disabled in any way unless you count a pinkly taped up leg currently in the throws of of quite painful physio.
I have just promised a really good friend of mine that i will train with her for her second 10km “run” in the Autumn. Anyone that knows me will already be laughing, hard. My friend has done no exercise in the last decade and fancies a challenge and has her first 10km in London in three weeks having only trained for three already. I mean she is clearly having a mid life crisis. That said she has already reached a good 3.5k in that time. I am a regular to LBT, Pilates, some PT and HOP but not “running” and of course carrying a little podge – the less said about that the better. The there is my recurring sprained ankle injury. What possessed me i have no idea. Actually i fear it was a mixture of awe that she was courageously challenging herself, utter jealousy that she could just do it and training with her might be the only time we get to catch up we are both so ridiculously busy. Not the catch up over a cuppa and a cake i had imagined. So she has another ‘race’ in the autumn so i have chosen the extreme way to support her – do it with her.
The most I have ever jogged (and then i walked some) was the 5k race for life years ago and i was overtaken by older ladies having a gossip whilst they walked fast and i collapsed after the finish line. Since then, erm, yep nothing noteworthy on the jog front.
Still the challenge is on and i will somehow have to work out a training plan – I have informed my long suffering PT by text so i didn’t have to hear the audible groan of the task ahead. For now he is positive. for now.
I am not just talking about the dreadful ‘summer’ grey and rainy weather. As a family we are watching our 17 year old cat slowly decline in health and we know the inevitable is literally just round the corner now. Of course at her age you are meant to expect it and accept it. I have received comments like; ‘well she’s had a good life”, ‘she’s a good age’ and ‘time will heal your grief when it comes’. Words of non-comfort. These words come as a staple in these situations as to be fair friends and family just don’t know what else to say, it’s uncomfortable. A good life our cat might have had but how is that a comfort when you are losing a cherished pet?
In fact to me she is not just a cat or a pet. She is my friend. I rescued her when she was 4 weeks old in London. She was the cutest little kitty albeit a bad tempered one. She was feisty all her life; she did it her way that’s for sure. She never forgot her terrible start in life even though it was only four weeks. When she was little she shopped with me by sitting in my handbag, slept on the end of my bed from night one, she scared herself to death nearly when she discovered her loud demanding meow, she loved to play football with screwed up paper balls, her laziness meant drinking out of my water glass by my bedside instead of going to her bowl, together we took in a stray kitten until he was stronger to move on – she didn’t mind – well she did a bit, she shared. London life didn’t suit her really as it scared her slightly so she was delighted at my decision to move to Wiltshire after ten years in the big smoke. She mellowed when she was settled in, it was lovely to watch her blossom. She has always had a natural hatred towards men – no idea why really. That is until Henri entered our lives and she was smitten. Then Digby the puppy came to live with us she became a little disgruntled at sharing her new beau – my now husband and me! She got over it and they now sleep side by side at night at the bottom of our bed. When i come in from work i always call her name and she trots to the top step of the staircase and swings her leg over waiting for her daily update of my life impatiently. She did everything impatiently. She seemed to enjoy it, well i’d like to think so!
Seventeen years she has listened to me. She shared my happiness and laughter, consoled me when the tears came, kept all my secrets. She knows everything about me, she gets me. In fact she is the only one that remembers my forgotten years. She is my loyal and beautiful friend. One that has never betrayed me.
She is stable for today but i suspect this week we will have to face losing her and miss her every time we turn a corner and not see her there. A piece of each of us will darken as her light goes out and the sadness will come.
Like i said dreadful days.
Our house is full of flowers. They may be classed as a ‘weed’ but they are pretty and free ….
Pure heaven…great loving memories on another Summer’s day that is dull, grey, threatening more rain and cold! The joys of living in Blighty ….!
I know everyone gets these from time to time but not me, no. I love a monday. It’s the start to a new week and i like the little exhilaration that who knows what this week will have in store. So today i was in unfamiliar territory when i found myself struggling from the moment the alarm rang out. Couldn’t shake that blue feeling all day.
I knew when i couldn’t lift my heavy body from slumber this morning that i was going to struggle. Then i heard the rain. It’s JUNE! Been raining since we arrived home from Kefalonia over a week ago. JUNE! Even my husband gently placing fresh coffee under my nose and turning on BBC news didn’t cheer me…i lay there for 40 minutes before leaping out of bed in a sudden realisation that i was very late then there was a contact lense problem, wearing the wrong clothes for the dog walk – it’s also COLD, my clothing choice was too thin. My insistence in cooking breakfast to be healthy rebelled against me too…burnt scrambled eggs. Nothing grimmer. Faced with back to school traffic my lateness was sealed. No one to blame except me and my monday blues.
Each client took longer than expected but i thank my lucky stars nothing broke and no accidents happened. That is until i reached my own house … when i cleared a table and smashed a cherished vintage inherited lamp. I am still gluing it back together – it’s in smithereens so taking a while however, my persistence and crafting skills will win out! Finally a rejection from a potential new client has sent me rocking in a corner. What is happening? This dark mood has taken hold and kidnapped me. I am a believer in positive mind, positive life but i just can’t seem to turn this blue mood around. I believe in you reap what you sow … lordy what bad seed did i unwittingly sow? If i were a cartoon i would be walking around with a black rainy cloud right above my head!!!
My planned evening is to be replaced with a hot bath, some simple food, requested cuddles from me to my husband (surely wrapped in his arms nothing else can go awry – probably just spoken too soon) and early to bed to recover my sunny positive personality.
Monday Blues. Meh.
WANTED: Positive, happy, fun self to be returned. REWARD!